I’m sitting at a coffee shop after getting out of work facing the window and watching people pass by. I sat down to write something else, but I’m too burned out to focus.
One older woman looked uncannily like one of the cast members of Kids in the Hall dressed as an old woman.
Shortly afterword, one of the cooler, more hipster-ish patrons of the café walked by the window as he left. The tag to his shirt was poking out and it crossed my mind that I should warn him so that he doesn’t blow his cover.
But I didn’t.
I thought that if I did warn him, I should’ve done it in the same way that I would have if he were on fire but didn’t know it. Then I wondered what that would’ve looked like. “Dude! Hey!! Your tag is showing!!” I bet that would’ve really freaked him out.
Sometimes it makes me feel like a bad person when I think that homeless people who act like assholes are assholes. But that’s fucked up. But that’s just how it is. But, no, seriously, fuck that guy. He threatened to kill this one lady and before that he took a piss in the building’s lobby. Like, being homeless sucks, but it doesn’t give you the right to whip your dick out and piss wherever you like.
Now, go back and re-read that last sentence as if it were a metaphor.
This dude that just walked by the window kinda looked like George Zimmerman. That must suck. But definitely not as much as being homeless must suck.
Everyone walking in to the restaurant next door looks like a choad. I imagine that it must suck to work there because choads suck to wait on, scientifically speaking of course. But I imagine it must be awesome to work there, because choads are also often loaded and like to impress their choad friends (having friends whom you feel like you must constantly impress by spending a shitload of money is one of the principle qualities of being a choad, as Oscar Wilde once said, probably).
I wonder what the waitstaff there thinks about this? Between equal rights, force decides, so I say the waitstaff there fucking fight it out to decide who’s right.
This one dude had a Detroit-style Old English “D” on his shirt and also tattooed on his left forearm. I hope that when he got that tattoo he was wearing that same shirt and that he just busted into the tattoo parlor, pointed at his shirt, then pointed at his forearm and was like, “This! Here!” That would’ve been the most fucking awesome way to get the least fucking awesome tattoo.
Okay, I’m gonna post this and go. I gotta go do this thing…